When Amanda told me that she had breast cancer the bottom seemed to drop out of my world. Her sister had died with meningitis when she was fifteen, and for some reason I thought that our family was immune to any more adversity. I had bonded with Amanda from the day that she was born, and had seen her develop into a fantastic young lady, super intelligent, beautiful, and almost too generous and kind for her own good! How could this happen to someone so fit and clean living? It would be so easy to ask why has this happened to Amanda, and why must my family have to suffer again!
However, what good would that do? Feeling sorry for myself is not my style, and we had to get on with doing our very best to help Amanda through this terrible illness. In my opinion, in every case I have known Amanda always seems to know the best route to take, and I really respect her judgement. She suggested that we get things moving quickly, bring things forward as much as possible, thereby hastening diagnosis and eventual recovery. We used the Nuffield Hospital at that stage, and could have saved ourselves 6-8 weeks which with cancer of course can be so very critical.
Amanda has an exceptional husband, a brilliant group of friends and a mother and father who love her very much indeed. I felt that my best particular role was to support Amanda in the ways that I had always done in the past. Being a father has always come very naturally to me, and I felt that I instinctively knew when she needed my support without ever being told, almost like a sixth sense. That could be by taking her for walk and chat, just calling in to see her unannounced, telephone calls, breakfast / lunch / tea, or whatever else was required at any given time. This seemed to fit in with Amanda’s tremendous support group, and without too much double booking.
The chemotherapy period was horrendous, particularly coupled with the acute migraine that Amanda suffers from (as I do). Again, just being there to support in any way that you can, and praying your heart out is the very best that you can do. With Amanda being so brave, she inspired all around her to raise their game and somehow we managed to get through it. Some of Amanda’s fellow sufferers were so inspirational too. Debbie in particular showed incredible character when I met her, and lifted me when I felt down. Radiotherapy came next, tiring and not easy, but her husband attended the Cancer Centre every single day. He really was an unsung hero. My wife offered food and love to all concerned which is her strong suit, and every one played their part throughout magnificently!
We are on the road back to normality now, a very underestimated road. Amanda is back to work, doing her sport and getting her life back. My advice to other fathers who find themselves in the situation that I found myself is to do what you’re good at, be as strong as you can, support your family 100%, and to pray to God for his help…..you will need it.
Amanda's Dad
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