Reality Bites

Wednesday 15th July

Dean (husband of Amanda) here.

Let's be clear on some things.

• It's not actually so "great" that we're near the end of radiotherapy. While it'll be a relief to end the treatment this coming Friday, we've got months of recuperation ahead. We've got decisions to make which will impact on our future. It's likely Amanda will be scrutinised to within an inch of her life given this second 'tete-a-tete' with cancer in the past 18 months. Please read what it says in the first two paragraphs on this page from the Breast Cancer Care website. This is what we are dealing with ..."When breast cancer has spread to the brain, it can usually be treated although it cannot be cured". 
• She's not quite the same Amanda that I took "in sickness and in health". She's been so confused the last few days, that familiar sharpness replaced by fatigue and a burning desire for all of this to be over. I have to go through things with her where before, she'd have the insight to finish my conversations for her. Please bear with her on this if you're meeting up with her in the near future. If she writes things down, it's for a reason that her brain has been fried at Gas Mark BURNED daily for nearly three weeks. 
• Try not to fry an egg on her forehead. Not only is it likely to fall off given the lack of gravity on the forehead region, it'll embarrass Amanda and yourself.
• Hair loss - again. It's come out in chunks and chunks overnight. Twice in less than 18 months. While nesting starlings and other animals reliant on warm furry bedding may be thrilled at the addition of potential stockists of furry stuff in the local area, this is a cruel sucker punch. I had the unenviable job of shaving off Amanda's hair today. It was a relief for Amanda has her hair had been burning for a few days but it was nonetheless another bitter pill to swallow (not a pill which stimulates hair growth unfortunately). Unlike 17 months ago, when the brave efforts of Amanda having her hair shaved off for the Little Princess Trust charity touched main people to the core, today was an episode which tore at our increasingly frayed emotional strings. Using a shaver normally reserved for my own head, the deed was done, paying particular attention to the very delicate area around her head where she had her operation just a few weeks ago. It already seems like months and months. I waived my right to a tip afterwards. Photographic evidence below.

Goodbye hair...

I have to remind everyone that the purpose of this blog was to make this a 'warts and all' description on what you don't get told during treatment and to help others prepare. I'm making no apologies if the above makes for uncomfortable viewing. It's 'warts and all'. It's what we're experiencing right now.that said, we're so grateful for all your messages though.