The best way to break the news to your children that you have Breast Cancer....there is no best way.
I have three children, two are adults age 22 and 23 and I also have a 13 year old. All three of mine knew that I had gone to the hospital for my results after having a biopsy. I have always been open and honest with my children, no matter what the subject and assumed it would be easier telling the eldest two than it would telling the youngest. Well it wasn't easy telling any of them. All three cried and were understandably upset.
I told them word for word what the consultant had told me and tried to answer any questions that they had.
I only have my youngest at home now and the night I was diagnosed, she wanted me to sleep with her and we lay in bed and I told her to ask me anything she wanted. We both had tears on and off but, I was then and still am a very positive person and I think it's half the battle. You have to stay strong and positive because it really does reflect in the way your children handle the diagnosis.
My youngest has probably suffered the most since I was diagnosed because she lives with me and she sees the effects of chemo, whether it's been the side effects or the general life during chemo.
One thing I have done is promised her lots of treats for when I'm through my treatment (last one next week).
She is old enough to understand that: I can't take her shopping, I can't take her the cinema, I can't do 'normal' things with her that we did before BUT she also knows that it's short term and that life will return to 'normal' once my treatment is over. I have always encouraged her to talk to me about any fears she may have and any questions, she knows she can ask me because I've always been honest and open with all three of them.
My youngest also knows she can talk to her siblings or other family members if she needs to. I also informed her school and they have been very supportive and encouraged her to talk if she feels the need.
I've been very lucky as my whole family, children and friends have been an invaluable support system since I was diagnosed.
My main advice would be to just be open and honest with your children, no matter what their age. You will not be able to hide your feelings and they will sense that something is wrong anyway. Debbie.
Hi, I'm Hollie, Debbie's 13 yr old daughter. As it says above I was very upset when I found out my mum had breast cancer. I knew there was something wrong because I heard her whispering to my stepdad. She told the truth and i'm glad she did because it would of made it worse if she left it. It made me realise how bad cancer actually is when your own parent has it. It's probably one of the worst experiences in my life. That night, I stayed at my sisters, and she asked me if I had anything to ask, obviously I did but I was too upset, so when my mum picked me up, we all spoke, first I asked, are you going to be okay? She was, thank god. She told me that she was having a mastectomy and reconstruction, by then I had no clue what it meant, basically its where they cut out the lump and fill it with pig skin to make a brand new boobie:) My whole family was in a sort of mood where they wanted to curl up in a ball, me, mum, stepdad and siblings mostly. When mum first went into hospital she had lots of needles, when it came to the operation I was at home. I went to visit her and she looked very ill, she met a brand new friend in there. Helen. Breasty friend;) Bob the breast and Tim the *** yeah, you know what!! Mum had to have pipes put in her new boobie to take all the horrible icky fluid out, she carried it round in a little ghost busters bag haha. After all this had finished, mum thought it was over, but she then got told that she would benefit from 6 sessions of chemotherapy! Mummy did not sound happy, but it had to be done. I love my mummy too bits and it was the best thing to do. They knew nothing was there but it was just to double check. Like the nurse told my mum, it's like washing a sink but then putting bleach down to double check. Anyway, on her first one mum was very nervous. So was I. She came home all happy and saying it was not that bad. She didn't realise how ill she would be, saturday morning mum called it a very bad hangover. She was throwing up all night long, had a banging head ache and just didn't feel. After every chemo she has to have nurses come out for 5 days to have a injection in her belly. Nothing big. On her second chemo, it happened again but it wasnt as bad because her body was use to the pain a little bit, lets skip the third one because I need get to bed and anyway she was just the same! Now the 4th one, mum had to have 3 of one kind & 3 of another. She had her 4th one and she started to get bone pain, mum was in lots of pain with it, she also started to get thrush on her tongue which looked horrible. After a couple of days, again, it died down. The same with the 5th, on the 6th one. Yesterday (Monday 30th june 2014) she came back quite emotional because I think she was just glad its over, she described it as a 'weird' feeling. Oh well. My mum is a lot better now and we have beat cancer's bum. P.s; as i forgot to mention- hair loss, mums hair was just on her back, not very long but average length, She had it cut into a bob so it wouldnt be as dramatic when it fell out. She then noticed after her 1st one, it started to fall out, in strands, and then clumps, she then decided to have it shaved, she looked different, this has not bothered me one bit, she has this amazing wig named Wanda, it is fab! Mum's hair is already growing back but only the slightest bit. Mum is now over all this cancer business so now we just get back to our normal life hopefully!!
ReplyDeleteWe all have lots of things to look forward to including my big sister's new baby which is due in 5 weeks. Hollie xx