I haven't posted on here since May, when Amanda was given the first diagnosis that her breast cancer had spread and she had a brain tumour. I haven't felt that I could give any input to this blog after Amanda's diagnosis. Amanda and her husband Dean have done an amazing job and kept everyone informed of Amanda's health since then.
As anybody reading this will know, Amanda now hasn't got long to live and to say that I'm devastated would be an under-statement. She has been the best thing to come out of this whole cancer ordeal. I'm heart broken that she is going to be taken from me so soon. Amanda has made me promise to keep this blog going when she's gone and I'm going to try to carry out her request.
As most people who know who read this blog, Amanda and I met on the chemo ward, on my birthday, when I was having my second chemotherapy and Amanda her fourth.
They say that people come into our lives for a reason and I do believe that this is true.
Amanda and I became firm friends from that day and our friendship has grown from strength to strength. She is one classy, strong, generous, selfless lady and one that I am privileged to call my friend. We have gained strength from each other from the day we met and learned from each others attributes. I can't imagine how I would have got through my treatment without her by my side.
We only live literally 5 minutes away from each other and we have always been there for one another, whether by phone, text or meeting up. We have shared many worries and fears that nobody else would understand unless they have been through a cancer diagnosis.
I can't imagine my life without Amanda in it.
I'm currently feeling a mixture of emotions, extremely sad to the point of feeling totally devastated, disbelief, denial, extremely angry and for the first time ever, a great big WHY??
Why has this happened to such an amazing, lovely lady? Why have Amanda's parents had the heartache of losing one daughter and now got to face losing their remaining daughter?
Incredible as she is, Amanda still has her faith and is at peace with her diagnosis and believes that she will be moving on to somewhere better and I really hope she does.
We have had many tears and also laughter. Our hopes and dreams have all but faded during the last couple of days. We have always joked that we would have adjoining rooms in a nursing home in 30 years time and look back and say 'can you remember when we had breast cancer'. We have now had this dream shattered but have now decided that we will make more plans when I join her on 'the other side'.
Tears are falling while I'm writing this post as I still can't believe that I have to prepare myself for losing my very dear friend. Amanda you have enriched my life for the better.
Your grace, patience, courage, even humour throughout your ordeal, especially the last 5 months, well I know we don't like to use the word 'inspiration' but I'm going to annoy you this one time and say that you truly are inspirational to everyone who knows you.
I love you friend. Part of me will go with you and my life will never be the same without you.
Debbie
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