Knocking on heaven's door

**Wife update**

We're absolutely devastated to share the following update with you.
 
We had our consultation with the oncologist yesterday who advised that despite the strongest possible radiation treatment, the cancer within Amanda's brain is still there and unable to be treated further. There's a remote possibility that the Cyber Knife treatment that I detailed in previous "wife updates" could zap these away, but Amanda's case has already been referred over to Birmingham twice with no response. A further referral is being made but they will not carry out the procedure if there is no merit and our oncologist has more or less confirmed that it would be unrealistic to pin any hope on it being the miracle solution to the situation. Put it this way, when the oncologist gives the go ahead to process paperwork to access life assurance policies, you know it's not a good sign.

Amanda is dying - she has a number of months to live. 

What we can expect to see over the next few months is a gradual deterioration in Amanda's condition to the stage where she's going to be unaware of what is going on around her. She's already having problems using her mobile phone and TV remote control, and her ability to say more than 10 words in a sentence is impaired too.

Last night was tough. We lay in bed and cuddled, cried, laughed, administered Amanda some morphine and then she slept, holding my hand. Amanda's mum and dad have taken it hard to (for those with faith, please say a pray for them too). 

The palliative care team will be here from tomorrow so we can start to sort out ongoing arrangements.

So, a few requests at this stage. Excuse the efficiency and planned style of this - it's what Amanda would have wanted.

1)This is to those many friends of Amanda who would like to see her. She would like to see as many of you as possible to say her goodbyes. I'm going to try and manage a diary for this so if you wish to see Amanda, please message me via Facebook. (or if you're reading the blog, please email me deanbromley111@hotmail.com)

2) I'd love if all those reading this who knew Amanda could send us BY POST your favourite memories of your times with Amanda. Please post these (Old school, i know) to me:
Dean
Flat 3 
Mill Court
Stoke-on- Trent 
ST4 8FE

It would be lovely to share as many of these with her. Could her friends please share this with as many people who may know Amanda on Facebook as possible as well as telling them via text/phone call/Skype/email/Facebook Message whatever method you feel fit please.

We've received many messages already from our close friends who we've already shared this information with, and in some cases, those who have been through very similar situations. You know who you are, and I thank you very much for this.

The photo I have attached to this update was taken near our beloved Spanish home a month after Amanda had her triple negative breast cancer removed in December 2013, and just 5 days before starting a very gruelling chemotherapy course. It paints a vivid picture - the walk ahead into the unknown. 

This is an awful time for us. You can begin to understand now when we were reticent when seeing any comments to our posts wishing us positive thoughts. It's not quite that easy, unfortunately. 

Amanda has faith. I'm without faith. But I know that Amanda will keep a place for me 'up there'. Prayers may well be appropriate for many of you but cancer is clinically unresponsive to prayers.

My love, my life, my rock. 

Tears falling

Dean.