Death by Google

Word of warning...if you are looking for some reassuring information and turn to your trusty online friend, Google, beware of straying too far from your original search topic. After weeks of miserable side effects, I thought I would look up when I was likely to feel better. Although my Dad and Dean assure me that I am turning the corner (I feel like it's the metaphorical corners that taxi drivers promise to be turning when they haven't even left the cab office) I still feel pretty rubbish. I am still vomiting daily, have no energy, sleep most of the time, eat about 300 calories a day, have a head hotter than the sun and have the constitution of a rusty old boiler. I looked up all the official cancer sites to be reassured that this was (a) normal and (b) soon to end but instead was so horrified by the severity of my situation that I assumed a new side effect - raging self pity. Of course everyone is different and statistics are only representative, but it makes challenging reading. And, you'd have to have an iron will to not be affected by them. I then started making ever more desperate searches for good news stories e.g. "I've been living with secondary breast cancer since 1901" or "I had a brain tumour when I was in the womb, and I just received my telegraph from the Queen" etc. etc.

So I do believe that it is important to understand your condition and the possible outcomes, however it is also important to focus on the fact that treatments are constantly changing. I would also suggest going to the experts. That's why I've booked an appointment with a Macmillan counsellor on Friday.

Wish me luck.

Amanda