Facebook pinged up a memory today. It's a post that my husband Dean wrote after I was told that I only had months to live on 21st October 2015. It makes me cry to read it, but as I am two years on, with no cancer in my body and a confirmation that I am in remission, I thought that this may help people in the same situation to keep on hoping and praying. There is no summing up, or trite message at the end of this post, I will just let the words speak for themselves.
We're absolutely devastated to share the following update with you.
We had our consultation with the oncologist yesterday who advised that, despite the strongest possible radiation treatment, the cancer within Amanda's brain is still there and unable to be treated further.
Amanda is dying - she has a number of months to live.
What we can expect to see over the next few months is a gradual deterioration in Amanda's condition to the stage where she's going to be unaware of what is going on around her. She's already having problems using her mobile phone and TV remote control, and her ability to say more than 10 words in a sentence is impaired too.
Last night was tough. We lay in bed and cuddled, cried, laughed, administered Amanda some morphine and then she slept, holding my hand. Amanda's Mum and Dad have taken it hard too (for those with faith, please say a prayer for them too).
The palliative care team will be here from tomorrow so we can start to sort out ongoing arrangements.
The photo I have attached to this update was taken very near to our beloved Spanish home a month after she had her Triple Negative Breast Cancer removed in December 2013, and just five days before starting a very gruelling chemotherapy course. It paints a vivid picture - the walk ahead into the unknown.
This is an awful time for us. You can begin to understand now why we were reticent when seeing any comments to our posts wishing us positive thoughts. It's not quite that easy, unfortunately.
Amanda has faith. I'm without faith. But I know that Amanda will keep a place for me 'up there'. Prayers may well be appropriate for many of you, but cancer is clinically unresponsive to prayers.
My love, my life, my rock.