Lost For Words

Tuesday 17th November

I've now been sitting in front of my laptop for 40 minutes, wanting to write a blog but feeling stuck for words today. Today is a day where I seem to be dwelling on what's happening with Amanda, not that she isn't on my mind 24/7 because she is. She is constantly on my mind. Today I'm going through a whole load of mixed emotions (again), the main one being disbelief. If only I could wake up and the last few months have been a bad dream.

Amanda's pre funeral was quite simply amazing. It was an emotional afternoon but also very beautiful. It was a real celebration of her life. I may not have known Amanda for long, certainly nowhere near as long as her other friends but I'm a firm believer that the length of time you've known someone matters not.

A few months ago, actually it's now probably a whole year ago, Amanda and I joked on several occasions that we would like to be at our own wake and we always said that we would love to be able to hear all of the nice things that people said about us. At that time, neither of us had any idea that our secret joke would sadly become a reality so soon. Today I'm feeling that the whole situation is surreal.

The celebration of Amanda's life was so uplifting and to hear her long term friends and colleagues talk about her, it was quite clear that everybody feels the same way about her. She is such a lovely, kind, generous, thoughtful and caring person who has made a tremendous impact on the lives of everyone she has ever met, including myself. It felt quite surreal to be sitting listening to the several speeches about Amanda and then looking at her and thinking that this shouldn't be happening. It's extremely hard coming to terms with the fact that she may not be here in a few months but one thing's for sure, that while she is here, Amanda has a full diary, courtesy of her husband Dean. Between them, they are making sure that Amanda makes as many memories as she possibly can for herself and her friends.
My life has been enriched for having Amanda in it and I think I can say that on behalf of all her friends and family. Life is so very precious.

Debbie