The language of cancer

As a 'brave' 'survivor' who has 'battled' cancer and won by 'staying positive', I find myself reflecting a lot on the language of cancer. If I'm completely honest I hate it! I hate the inference that I am in any way in control of the outcome of cancer, and find it a little disrespectful to those who have died. I don't for one second believe that 'staying positive' will mean that I am one of the lucky ones who won't die of this disease, nor do I believe that those who have terminal cancer are in some way responsible for their condition. I also don't think I'm any braver than anyone else, just that I've had to experience something that was horribly challenging, physically and emotionally and I got through it. Cancer treatment is really rough on those who have to experience it. It's also rough on those who love the person who's going through it. But it's an indiscriminate and random disease. Of each ten women who were diagnosed with triple negative grade 3 breast cancer like myself (and now Carol McGiffin), six of us will be around to tell the tale in five years' time. It won't be the brave ones who make it, or the most positive, it'll just be as random a selection as those of us who got it in the first place.

I think that people who have experienced this shouldn't be made to feel that they can't be truthful about their feelings in case they're not being positive and then are less likely to make it. I want to feel that I can be positive some days, and wail and cry and complain on others. I hope and pray that I will be one of the lucky ones. But if I'm not, then I haven't lost a battle, or my spirit. I can still have been brave and positive. But I will simply have been unlucky.

And, who knows, with all the developments in cancer treatments, maybe it will be even more of us that can share our hatred of the language of cancer in five years' time. Even better, perhaps it will be such a distant memory that we won't even notice!

Amanda

Along those same lines, there may be times when friends or relatives try to reassure you with comments like “God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle,” or “God must have a reason that this has happened.” Yes, really, I've had these comments!! 

Sometimes these words might make us feel better – we want to believe them! But sometimes they have the opposite effect. While people say these things with the very best of intentions, if you are struggling with spiritual doubts, the thoughts and feelings invoked by such comments might only add to your stress.

Sometimes people say these things because they just don’t know what else to say. You may feel very annoyed and even angry. Sometimes this can be a good topic to talk over with another cancer patient.

 Amanda and I have had many a laugh at some of the comments we've received, including people who can 'guarantee' that the cancer won't come back.

How do you respond to such comments? Cancer is a battle you just don’t want to fight.

Debbie

See what I did there