Another amazing woman taken by breast cancer

Today I had some absolutely terrible news. My friend Jayne died yesterday in the Douglas Macmillan hospice, of breast cancer which had spread to her lungs and bones. After seeing her only a few days earlier, it is desperately hard to believe that she has gone, leaving behind her wonderful husband, Mark.

I met Jayne over twenty years ago when six of us sailed around Greece in a majestic yacht under the guidance of our skipper, Andrew, swimming in the azure ocean, soaking up the rays and enjoying lively evenings on-shore.

After the occasional meet-up at social events, Jayne and I were re-acquainted in December 2013 at a Christmas party. I had been diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer in November, and had had a lumpectomy (or a wide local incision as it is formally known), two weeks before Christmas. I was having a short break to recover from my operation before commencing with chemotherapy in January 2014. Jayne breezed in to the party radiating health and (working the 'yachty-totty' look she had perfected on our island-hopping holiday) in a stylish sailor's cap. What she lacked in hair, she compensated for with her usual infectious warmth and smile. She had just finished her treatment for breast cancer and was celebrating with a trip to Australia. I was SO inspired, and truthfully, very envious that her cancer journey was over.

Cancer is vicious and pervasive. However, it also inspires a tremendous sense of one-ness amongst those at all stages of the cancer journey. As a result of our shared experience, Jayne became a very special part of my life and we shared the bumpy road of highs and crushing lows. Jayne was indefatigable in her pursuit of healing and was as knowledgeable on health and well-being as even the most educated of alternative therapists. She read voraciously and followed guidance on how to prevent her cancer returning to the letter, meticulously following a diet that was packed with all of nature's gifts from bee pollen to spirulina. She had success too. Treatment from a holistic therapy centre in Germany yielded a clear lung scan and the energy to continue on their wonderful and life-enriching trip across Europe in a camper van.

In an inspired move, Jayne and Mark spent eighteen months doing exactly what she loved...swimming in turquoise seas, immersing herself in nature, absorbing the beauty of the world around her and waking up with hope and joy every day. Ever the free spirit, this life focused on the simplest of pleasures and, though punctuated with appointments and scans, was powerfully uplifting to her soul.

However, the cancer returned and this awe-inspiring woman was taken from those she loved. Whilst confined to her bed, she had a little prayer box that she used to note down her wishes from God. My wish for her is that he has welcomed her home and that she can now be free.

Amanda

The gift that keeps on giving

As most of you may know, the breast cancer I had thrived on oestrogen and so, as a result of this, I have been taking Tamoxifen for over three years now. Many breast cancers rely on the hormone oestrogen to grow, and this type of breast cancer is called oestrogen receptor-positive breast cancer. Tamoxifen works by blocking oestrogen from reaching cancer cells.

Like most drugs, Tamoxifen comes with its own large list of side effects, including menopausal symptoms such as hot sweats, mood swings, nausea, fatigue, joint pain, muscle pain, forgetfulness etc. The list is actually much longer than this and for anyone else reading this who takes this drug, you'll be familiar with most of the side effects.
If you're at an age when you would soon enter natural menopause, Tamoxifen can nudge you into menopause sooner. Or in my case, I feel like I was thrown into it head first.

My usual night time habits go something like this..fall asleep quite easily, wake up within two hours, hot sweat, quilt off, freezing cold, quilt on, fall asleep for an hour or so, wake up, hot sweat, quilt off...can you see the pattern? I have now been like this since I had my second chemotherapy session and I was told that chemo had thrown me into the menopause so with the added Tamoxifen side effects, I pretty much run on maybe three to four hours' sleep per night maximum and have done for the last three years.

Tamoxifen can also cause non-cancerous changes to the uterus as it can weaken the womb lining...it can also increase the risk of blood clots, ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer (cancer in the lining of the uterus).

This brings me to the current situation that I have recently found myself in. Two years ago, at my smear test, I was told I had a slight prolapse. I had no idea what a prolapse was and as I had no symptoms, I can't say that I gave it much thought. In fact, I didn't even consult my special friend Mr Google. Roll on two years later, I have been experiencing certain symptoms that do in fact come with a prolapse.

One Doctor's appointment led to a gynaecology appointment where I was told that Tamoxifen (oestrogen blocker) was the likely cause of the prolapse. The wonder that is menopause and low levels of oestrogen are major factors for the cause of a prolapse.

Usually, a prolapse can be repaired but because I have to stay on Tamoxifen, the chances are that the same thing could happen again. Plus Tamoxifen can cause ovarian cancer and cancer of the lining of the womb and so for this reason, I shall be having a full hysterectomy and bilateral oopherectomy (removal of both ovaries) next week.

I shall be sure to keep you posted of my recovery and try to control my excitement at the thought of the side effects I'll endure once my ovaries are removed. Whilst most women undergoing the same operation can go on to have HRT, (removal of ovaries=no oestrogen production=menopause symptoms to the max), I won't be able to because of the breast cancer I had that thrived on hormones.

Debbie

Glorious normal

Within the daily stresses of life, it's hard to take a step back and appreciate how amazing normality really is. A number of my friends are suffering from cancer and are facing hideous challenges every day. For this reason, I wanted to write a post to remind us all to remember what a blessing normality is.

You click snooze on your phone three times in a row and wish you didn't have to get out of bed.

She is bed-ridden and longs for nothing more than to jump out of bed and enjoy the simple pleasure of a walk.

You're having a bad hair day. There's a unruly frizz that will not be tamed.

She has lost her hair twice during her cancer journey and with it, she has lost a sense of her identity. She would love to have the luxury of a bad hair day.

You worry about everything you have to fit in today and feel completely over-faced.

She is in pain and can think of nothing else but coping with it, moment by moment.

You get cut up by an impatient driver.

She longs to be able to regain her freedom and jump in her car and go anywhere she likes.

You are in a state of heightened anxiety about completing all the tasks on your 'to do' list.

She had a 'bucket list' but became too unwell to complete it.

You're disconcerted about all the presents you need to buy for Christmas and how you're going to afford it.

She is aware that she may not still be here at Christmas to share it with her family.

You're annoyed with someone about something minor and it's constantly on your mind.

She is facing the real prospect of death and it is never far from her thoughts.

Normal life can be challenging, stressful, anxiety-inducing and hard work. It can also be up-lifting, enriching, joyful and fulfilling. Take a moment to celebrate the beauty of the world around you. Relish the luxury of freedom. Be thankful for the wonderful gift of time spent with those you love. These are precious moments indeed.

Amanda