Soul searching for beginners

As written in previous blogs it was blatantly obvious that Christmas 2015 for our family was going to be extremely difficult and very emotional. This proved to be the case, but somehow we got through it. Amanda wasn’t well in a number of ways leading up to Christmas Day, but with her typical determination, tenacity and willpower she fulfilled every obligation, and I personally know why she intended to do it.

On the big day we managed to achieve our traditional Church visit/taking of wreaths/present opening etc. and of course Christmas dinner. To me though, the best 2015 Christmas present I received was that God allowed me to spend another Christmas with Amanda, and I thank Him with all my heart for that. Amanda has said that she doesn’t like the word ‘brave’ when connected to dealing with cancer, however, believe me when I say she is incredibly brave and has handled these last two horrendous years with such amazing dignity.

What 2016 will bring is anyone’s guess but I still hope and pray that God will bring her back to the fullness of health. Amanda has suggested that counselling may be of some assistance to me,
so I’m giving it a try. My counsellor is very good, but sometimes soul-searching can be painful, particularly when you’ve had one or two very tough past experiences to deal with your earlier years. But maybe it’s good to get them out in the open and talk about them? As I said in my first paragraph…not my natural style.

We’re still taking every day as it comes, but some days [and nights] can be really dark and foreboding. Having a daughter with cancer isn’t like it can sometimes be portrayed on TV and films, it is absolute torture to see them in such pain and so troubled, but I still feel incredibly blessed to be Amanda’s Dad, and I will always feel that way until my very last day. Amanda hates the way she now looks, but to me she will always be absolutely beautiful inside and out!

Amanda's Dad