A surprisingly upbeat week

Saturday 31st October 2015

Apart from an embarrassing incident at the Harvester salad cart where I ended up slipping over on my hands and knees by the sauce bar, it's actually been a really good week.

I've been absolutely overwhelmed by people's kindness and generosity. I've been thrilled to see some old faces and receive some fantastic cards and presents, which have really made me smile.

Thank you all so much - to my clients, friends and family, who have made this week incredibly special and surprisingly up-lifting. I've been so touched and moved.

We're acquainted now with our Douglas Macmillan contact and she is already providing fantastic support to Dean and my dad. We are going for a tour of the hospice in the next few days which although it sounds grim, it will actually be a good way to acclimatise ourselves for what's ahead. Having gone to fundraising events there before, it seems like a beautiful place in gorgeous surroundings and when the time comes, I'm sure they'll do me proud.

I've had visitors from far and wide, such as East Coast USA (yes, seriously - someone flew in especially to see me - thanks Matt), Elgin and London so far. I feel incredibly blessed and although this is a hideous time, it's actually been wonderful and inspiring as well.

Since we've always been upfront on this blog, it has been a week of difficult decisions. We've met with solicitors, financial advisors and former colleagues. As anyone who knows me would expect, my affairs are now officially in order and this makes me feel incredibly reassured, as grim as this may sound. If there's one bit of advice I can share with you from this financial and legal experience, it is to get everything in order before you die so that you can enjoy time with the ones that mean the most to you.

If I've not replied to any of your messages, correspondence or gifts, it certainly doesn't mean they're not extremely precious to me. Dean is taking care of responding for me where time allows otherwise it would take me about 16 years to type a text.

Thank you all.

Amanda (typed by Dean).

Special upcoming event - A celebration of Amanda’s life, friendships and adventures!

On Sunday 15 November 2015 , at The Church Bar and Restaurant, Hanley, Stoke-on-Trent, Amanda’s family, friends and anyone known to her professionally are invited to a 'coming together' for an informal ‘This is your life’ get-together, which promises to be full of happy memories and laughter. Amanda’s long-term friend and colleague David Patrick is hosting the event, and he invites guests to bring stories, photos (please bring photos) and memories to share.

FULL EVENT DETAILS ARE HERE : https://www.justgiving.com/teams/amandamcdonald

Friends are invited to ‘drop in’ any time between 3pm-6pm, although you are very welcome to remain well into the evening beyond the end of the get-together. A hot buffet will be provided upstairs, but for those who prefer something a little stronger The Church also has a licensed bar downstairs. Renowned jazz singer (and friend of Amanda) Miss K Copeland will be performing a set with her band, ensuring the afternoon really does go with a swing.

All family and friends are welcome to attend, and – just for once – ‘positive vibes’ are welcome too!

Donations of £15 are invited, with all proceeds after costs going to Amanda’s chosen charities: 

1) The Migraine Trust (Amanda has suffered from chronic migraines for 20+ years and this is a very much under supported cause)
DONATE HERE: https://www.justgiving.com/celebratingamanda/

2) Meningitis Now (in memory of Amanda's beloved sibling, Steph, who died of meningitis, age 15)
DONATE HERE: https://www.justgiving.com/celebratingamanda3/

and 

3) Douglas Macmillan Hospice (which provides all of their hospice services free of charge to adults with life limiting illnesses in the North Staffordshire area and also provides much needed supportive care for their families and carers and who have provided Amanda's family with invaluable assistance in preparation for the months ahead).
DONATE HERE: https://www.justgiving.com/celebratingamanda1/

It would be great to spread the donations evenly, so if you're donating and see one of the charities doesn't have as much as the others, please donate to that charity accordingly :)

Once you donate, they'll send your money directly to the charity. They'll make sure Gift Aid (an additional 25%) is reclaimed on every eligible donation by a UK taxpayer, too. That means more money goes to the charity, faster.

For those unable to attend and have message us over the last few days offering any help in the aftermath of our devastating news, we would be extremely grateful if you would consider a small donation to any of the above charities. No matter how small, any donation you can make would be so much appreciated.

If you have any queries in the run up to the event, or would like to offer additional help with organising or contributing to running costs, please contact David at david.patrick@yesagency.co.uk.

Amanda 'Wonder Woman' McDonald

Comic proportions

Tuesday 27th October 2015

So the "Amanda McDonald Farewell Tour 2015/2016" continues (look out for the merchandise stand at the back of our flat on the way out), we've got flowers in every room in the flat now and memories of pot pourri from my childhood wafts through the bathroom as there are even two bunches in there now (well, it'll make it easier to water them I suppose).

Amanda is on good form. Her appetite is back (thanks to another cancer perk, endless supplies of chocolates) and the stream of old friends visiting, bringing along old memories with them such as photos of Amanda from years gone by is proving to be the source of much amusement for all.

Another cancer perk today was delivered courtesy of Amanda's good friend Nada, who had arranged for one of Amanda's favourite comedian's Gina Yashere  to record a short video for Amanda. If you're reading this Gina, this was just the tonic... (that is, if the tonic consists of nearly choking Amanda to death on her cancer medication) 

Warning, this video contains disturbing images of fluffy dressing gowns.

The Long Goodbye

Tuesday 27th October 2015.

(written by Dean on behalf of Amanda)

Things seem to be gathering apace. I've updated my will, I've set my financial affairs in order and begun to see people, possibly for the last time.

Whilst this may appear deeply morbid, to me it's a way of just spending time with treasured friends as I always have.

My colleague has also arranged a fantastic extravaganza to say my goodbyes (more details on that coming soon...) and while I am reticent to share my fat hamster cheeks (thanks Dexamethasone) and bald head with everyone, I appreciate that needs must.

I feel completely comfortable with people feeling sad around me but I think it's been a really nice mix of tears and happiness. I could not feel more loved and supported and certainly have not been found wanting in the flower department with daily deliveries aplenty. I feel very special and very loved and for that I am very grateful.

The postman gradually despaired at the thought of the daily delivery to Flat 3

Pre-funeral funeral

Sunday 25th October 2015

Written by Dean on behalf of Amanda.

We visited my favourite church today, St Lawrence's at Biddulph. What was intended to be a loose invitation to those who were interested turned out to be a really special event.

It was so lovely to see so many family and friends there and Trevor, the vicar, did a wonderful job despite the complexities of managing a christening service at the same time and the difficulties he faced this week dealing with the funeral of 17 year old Jordan Burndred, who died recently when on holiday in Cyprus. I've said many times that I'm very very fortunate to be surrounded by friends. As much as it's unbearable to see the suffering of those around me, I am completely at peace.

St Lawrence's Church, Biddulph

I appreciate that it's harder for those that I love than it is for me. I want to make the most of all the time I have left & feel very lucky to have time to say my goodbyes properly.

There are a lot of challenges for my family and friends with coming to terms with this news. But as part of my faith, I believe there will be an answer.

Believe it or not, I actually really enjoyed today. There are not many people who get to experience a pre-funeral funeral. I often thought it would be better to have a funeral before you die so that you get to hear the nice things people say about you :)

It's very important to me that everyone supports each other when I'm gone. I know you all will. 

Tears on my pillows

Dean (Amanda's husband) here.

It's well after midnight as I type this out. A day of caring and putting Amanda to bed and with everything that's going on right now, it's a rare moment of solitude for me.

So here we are, two days after receiving the dreaded news.

What's been happening?

Sharing the news with family and friends (Amanda's MANY friends in particular)

Starting to spend even more time with the one I love.

We've got everything running to a timetable here. It's how Amanda wants it - of course it is. We have a diary system in place so Amanda can see her friends, some possibly for the last time. Her cancer chum who helped to set up this blog with Amanda visited Thursday and was devastated. Although we've only known her since early 2014 during which time she was undertaking her own battle with breast cancer, they've become best breast friends.. She says the following to me "I don't understand it Dean. She can't die. She just can't" I can't answer that. For someone with little faith, my rational side says it's just Amanda's turn. But when you consider she's never drunk, smoked, always looked after herself and eats healthily, some invisible force hasn't half shoved her in the back leaving her exposed. And that, my friends, is simply not fair.

During Friday 23rd October, we awash with a flurry of deliveries. So many flowers now that we're charging £5 an admission into our newly created botanical gardens. I'm dealing with so many requests to see Amanda, messages from complete strangers who have been compelled by the unbelievable storylines in our very own soap opera in the last two years ("It's unbelievable, no one would ever write THAT....")

And chocolates. so many chocolates. On one hand, it'll keep me happy for the next three years...although I would rather share them with someone very special alongside me. On the other hand, with Amanda's increasingly fragile appetite, it's a cruel, cruel torture.

Our contact from the very renowned local hospice Dougie Mac arrived today and immediately went about her work in a compassionate but also very efficient way (Amanda approves of efficiency). There's such as stigma associated with a cancer hospice, they provide so much more, such as supportive care for families and carers, something we'll learn to lean on so much in future months. Within  hours of arrival at our flat, Davina (our contact) had already arranged for a wheelchair to be made available so I can take Amanda out for assisted walks while she deals with her weakness (please don't be alarmed at this 'weakness' - she hasn't eaten for days and as a concession today, she's resumed taking the Dexamethasone steroid which should ease some issues affecting her head and kickstart her appetite). She also arranged for our prescription remotely so we didn't have to wait for hours for a GP. She covered the services provided, including various facilities available to assist Amanda, such as various therapies, treatments and the like. It sounds like a home from home. We did have to laugh at the constant interruptions of flowers and chocolate deliveries arriving during her 150 minute stay. She also tells us we're able to claim for a Personal independence Payment of £80+ per week to assist with things.

It's not been easy since Wednesday. There have been many tears, including a three way hug waterfall between Amanda's dad, Amanda and myself. I've found my outpouring of tears a relief to be honest. I've held back far too much over the years but this is something else. (Sorry to the Doctor at Trent Vale Medical Practice who I broke down in front of today, sorry to Cheryl who I broke down in front of today, sorry to Davina from Dougie Mac....you get the drift.) I managed to get to my mum and dad's briefly tonight. Mum has lost two stones in the last 6 weeks and not well (tests next week) and my dad is still recovering from her hip operation. I don't know what we were talking about tonight when i was there. It was something innocuous and all of a sudden, the waterworks fell. 

This is what happened after I wrung my handkerchief out to dry tonight...

Haven't seen my dad cry for such a long time, and it's heartbreaking for me to see him like this, especially with his Parkinson's and hip condition making him feel so helpless. I will take Amanda round to see them when she's fit to do so.

And then there's my darling wife. We've cuddled, we've laughed, we've cried, we've cried some more, we've laughed at messaged from people we've never met thinking "Who are they", we've had flowers from people whose names have been misprinted on the attached labels so had fun guessing who they should have been with. We've held hands in bed, we've cried for absolutely no reason whatsoever when talking about the most silly things. The things that really set me off though are when she lays her head on my shoulder. I'm lying there within inches of the evil cancer lurking within her skull, completely disabled and helpless as I can't do anything about it. We have shiny pillow material and the tears fall and echo out loud as they hit the surface. She's been saying she's dying for quite some time now. I was of the opinion that until we're told medically there's no further chance, then that's the path I will take. that path was blocked off on Wednesday.

Amanda is struggling with texting and her ability to type. I've already had her dictating her blog to me and texting on her behalf from her phone. I've got her passwords to various accounts as she has difficulty remembering these now. I'm hoping that the resumption of dexamethasone  may improve things, although we were told that things would decline. I don't want this yet, not to my angel.

Amanda has also arranged for her financial advisor to call around, Like it or not, we have to start the process of approaching the companies who own our policies to start the process of calling our monies in. Also we're having a solicitor around next week to sort out an updated will. I'd much rather invite round a Vietnamese Pot Bellied Pig for some naked wrestling to be honest. It's all grown up stuff and despite being grown up, we shouldn't be doing this for at least 20 years.

Can I do this? Do I have the strength to do this? I don't know, but I'll do whatever i can to make Amanda's time with me as comfortable with others.

I am aware of the outpouring (and 'pouring' being the appropriate word for many of you shedding tears) on my own Facebook page. While i'm unable to respond to all your comments, observations and fantastic photographic memories that you have been sharing - after all - my time with my wife is very important right now - we are enjoying them.

I'll continue to try and give an insight to what we're going through where time allows going forwards. It won't be pretty, but it's not really supposed to be, is it?

When Hope Fades

Hello everyone, it's Debbie here. The other half of the Amanda and Deb team.

I haven't posted on here since May, when Amanda was given the first diagnosis that her breast cancer had spread and she had a brain tumour. I haven't felt that I could give any input to this blog after Amanda's diagnosis. Amanda and her husband Dean have done an amazing job and kept everyone informed of Amanda's health since then.

As anybody reading this will know, Amanda now hasn't got long to live and to say that I'm devastated would be an under-statement. She has been the best thing to come out of this whole cancer ordeal. I'm heart broken that she is going to be taken from me so soon. Amanda has made me promise to keep this blog going when she's gone and I'm going to try to carry out her request.

As most people who know who read this blog, Amanda and I met on the chemo ward, on my birthday, when I was having my second chemotherapy and Amanda her fourth.
They say that people come into our lives for a reason and I do believe that this is true.
Amanda and I became firm friends from that day and our friendship has grown from strength to strength. She is one classy, strong, generous, selfless lady and one that I am privileged to call my friend. We have gained strength from each other from the day we met and learned from each others attributes. I can't imagine how I would have got through my treatment without her by my side.

We only live literally 5 minutes away from each other and we have always been there for one another, whether by phone, text or meeting up. We have shared many worries and fears that nobody else would understand unless they have been through a cancer diagnosis.
I can't imagine my life without Amanda in it.

I'm currently feeling a mixture of emotions, extremely sad to the point of feeling totally devastated, disbelief, denial, extremely angry and for the first time ever, a great big WHY??
Why has this happened to such an amazing, lovely lady? Why have Amanda's parents had the heartache of losing one daughter and now got to face losing their remaining daughter?
Incredible as she is, Amanda still has her faith and is at peace with her diagnosis and believes that she will be moving on to somewhere better and I really hope she does.

We have had many tears and also laughter. Our hopes and dreams have all but faded during the last couple of days. We have always joked that we would have adjoining rooms in a nursing home in 30 years time and look back and say 'can you remember when we had breast cancer'. We have now had this dream shattered but have now decided that we will make more plans when I join her on 'the other side'.

Tears are falling while I'm writing this post as I still can't believe that I have to prepare myself for losing my very dear friend. Amanda you have enriched my life for the better.
Your grace, patience, courage, even humour throughout your ordeal, especially the last 5 months, well I know we don't like to use the word 'inspiration' but I'm going to annoy you this one time and say that you truly are inspirational to everyone who knows you.

I love you friend. Part of me will go with you and my life will never be the same without you.

Debbie